


Sleepwalker

by darkangel_silvermoon



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-29
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 09:14:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19016908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkangel_silvermoon/pseuds/darkangel_silvermoon
Summary: Derek Morgan’s mind is going a thousand miles a minute.





	1. Chapter 1

Morgan stares at the hotel's ceiling, connecting the speckled dots on the tiles. Reid's curled next to him-why did they get the single bed again?

Not that they have a problem with it- they don't even bother asking for a cot or offer to sleep in the chair anymore. 

And he wonders if they are normal.

His mind won't shut off for the life of him; he wonders if is this is what Reid feels like on a daily basis.

And maybe it's just the proximity of their bodies, the warmth exuding from Reid as he shifts that much closer to Morgan.

Morgan hums; just for the moment he pretends that this is normal; that he belongs to Reid and Reid to him. 

He curses his heart to pieces as it aches with each shuttering beat. And he realizes that it's hard to breath with all this disappointment that looms over him, coming with the rising dawn.

He shivers as he slides out of bed, conscious not to wake Reid- he makes his way to the window. 

The pane is bitterly cold against his forehead as he stares at the streetlamp- orange orbs illuminated in the pitch of night- the first hint of snow swirling in a gentle dance as they touch down. They dissolve into nothing as their bodies lay atop one another.

Reid would love this.

Morgan stands there in his sleep pants lost in thought as the snow falls, taking no note of him. 

"Derek?" Morgan turns as he hears the slight panic in Reid's voice- the rustling of the sheets.

 "I'm right here Kid." Morgan's voice full, low- tinged with the hurt he couldn't cover if he tried.

"Oh-sorry. I wasn't sure…" 

"It's alright Pretty Boy, go back to sleep." Morgan watches in the limited light as Reid sighs, resting his head back onto the pillow- drifting back to sleep.

"Goodnight Pretty Boy." Morgan murmurs as he turns back to the window, watching the snow fall.

  



	2. Chapter 2

Reid wants to snuggle deeper into the cover,  but Morgan won't turn off the alarm and then he realizes that they are on a case and he couldn't go back to sleep if he even wanted to, and so he sits up to find Morgan sitting on the edge of the bed, shoulders hunched in such a way as if to say 'I really need a hug right now," which makes Reid feel very sad this early in the morning.

Morgan scrubs a hand across his face-yawning. He knows Reid's up because he always makes these small snuffing noises like Clooney does when really doesn't want to be awake but Morgan's moving around, getting ready to go somewhere-DISTURBING HIM.

"G'morning." Reid yawns.

"It was snowing." Morgan says simply- that feeling nagging him even more, now that Reid was awake.

"You didn't wake me up?" Reid frowns; he loves snow.

Morgan swallows hard, struggling to remember that last night- that was imaginary- he is in the present. And in the here and now, Reid is nothing more than a co-worker, a friend, a male best friend that will never be anything more than just that.

Morgan sighs, "no."

"Are you okay?" Reid brow furrows. Did he miss something?

"Yeah." Morgan grunts. Morgan looks back as he feels the dent in the bed; Reid kneeling as if he's making his way towards him. Reid reaches out; Morgan jumps from the bed. Reid is outright frowning now.

"What's the matter?" Reid asks; voice stuck with sleep and hurt. "Was it something I did?"

"No Reid." Morgan shifts on his feet as he looks out the window, avoiding the other man's eyes. He has no right to feel the way he does.

"But-"

"I'm gonna get some coffee.” Morgan interrupts, pivoting on his heels making his way out of the room. Reid curls into himself, looking out the window as the sun rises- no trace of snow to be found.

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

Morgan slumps in the lobby's plush chair, staring into his coffee.

Reid lopes around the corner, catching sight of Morgan; he stiffens and heads in the opposite direction.

Garcia frowns as she watches the men. She pulls Reid by the upper arm into the doorway of the Hotel's kitchenette.

"Reid, what's wrong with Morgan?" Garcia's voice tinted with worry.

Reid hitches his shoulders.

"He woke up like that. I tried talking to him and he…" Reid shakes his head as Garcia arches her brow. "I don't know, he just was short with me, and when I asked him about it, he completely shut me out." Reid sighs exasperated.

"I know I can be passive aggressive sometimes- but this is beyond me. Morgan can be stubborn." Reid takes a look over at Morgan who has not moved since he's sat down.

"Garcia can you talk to him? I don't know if he's mad at me or what’s going on.”

The team slowly trickles in slowly.

Outside the glass doors, the clouds hang low, sickly gray. The wind howls, as dry leaves skitter in its wake. Bitter cold, no snow-that brightens everyone's mood right up.

"Don't worry hot stuff- I'll have this sorted out in no time." Garcia whispers, narrowing her eyes at Morgan who sits stiff- listening to the assignments at hand.

///

Morgan grits his teeth as he pulls the unsub off the sidewalk- trying to calm down so he doesn't pummel the guy's head in. He shoves him off to the blue suits, shaking out the tension in his shoulders.

Reid. He can't keep his mind off him…and it's just not right. It's just not right.

He gets into the truck with Rossi and Prentiss; lost in his head as he goes through the motions of being normal. Okay.

His jaw hurts with how tightly clenched it is. The ride is relatively silent. They all just want to make their way to the jet to get home. The sky is dark, bitter wind lashing at their backs as they hunch over, running into the hotel for shelter.

Morgan frowns as Garcia stares at him expectantly.

He sighs, making his way to her.

"Mister…you, me…we need to chat." Garcia says. Morgan hangs his head.

Damn, he should have seen that one coming.

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

The blood under Derek's skin is seething as he watches Spencer swing his legs back and forth, as he sits on the tail end of the ambulance. A paramedic dabs at the gash that splits his forehead, Spencer's face wrinkles in a grimace from the sting of antiseptic.

The people milling around are nothing but static in the background, a second thought, an annoyance really.

The muscles in Derek's body seize as he forces himself to calm the hell down for a minute.

Spencer's safe.

He's been in worse scrapes than this.

**_You're just…_ **

In hindsight, Derek wants to smack his own self for being so blind. No. Blind is a weak excuse.

**_In denial._ **

Now that's being honest.

To make matters worse…it took Garcia's prodding to make him be honest with his own damn self.

He must remember to thank Garcia. 

Instead he's standing a few meters away from the ambulance that holds Spencer, who is getting a bandage pressed to the wound by an anonymous paramedic that's just doing his job, but that's making Derek feel ridiculous as the slightly unwarranted, irrational jealousy comes rearing its ugly head within him.

Those could be Derek's hands.

Instead, his hands are jammed so deep in his pockets as Spencer looks up and gives the paramedic a tight-lipped smile and a nod of the head. A thank you as he hops of the back of the cab.

And Derek can't stand it any longer as he kicks himself once more for courage, (when has he needed that?) taking the few steps needed to be by Spencer's side.

He awkwardly gives him a pat on the shoulder, and Spencer jumps. Derek fights the urge to ruffle Spencer's hair and press his lips to Spencer's temple.

Derek instead looks at the ground before looking at Spencer.

"Give you a lift?" Derek's voice is soft and he can feel Spencer tense a little under his hand. Spencer shifts a little, reaching up to touch the tape around the edge of the gauze.

"Alright." Spencer says after a moment.

Derek nods, trying to quell the nervousness that has taken up space within his chest, squashing his vital organs.

He doesn't even know that he's holding his breath until Spencer's buckling his seatbelt, and Derek lets it go. He rests his arm over the passenger seat, and can't help but notice the way Spencer flinches away. Derek lets it fall back, returning to rest on the wheel.

"Reid…'m sorry about earlier." Derek can't make himself look over at Spencer. That feeling from before wraps itself around his heart, locking it's vice grip around it.

That feeling of isolation, of want, of need, of unworthiness settles deep in his bones as he feels Spencer's gaze rake across his face.

"It's alright." Spencer says as he study's Derek's profile. Derek's tense shoulders, his grip on the steering wheel, the way he won't even look at him.

Derek will break when he's ready.

Spencer settles back in his seat watching the city slip by.

In Virginia, it's too early for snow.

Derek wants to scream. The Kid would accept that. Accept Derek being short with him…and keep it going as if he didn't do a thing. It's not right.

"I was wrong for taking my frustration out on you." Derek says.

"Happens to the best of us. It's okay." Spencer says evenly.

Something inside Derek snaps. He grits his teeth as he drives on.

"What's got you so upset? Was it something I did?" Spencer asks. Derek looks quickly over at him before turning his attention back to the road.

"No, of course not." Derek sighs. He just needs to make it to Reid's apartment before this conversation goes any deeper. Almost there…just a few more streets to go.

"Tell me, maybe I can help." Spencer's lips quirk into a half frown.

"It's alright Kid, I'll work it out myself." Derek tries to shake him. The silence stretches taught between them.

Derek sighs again as he pulls up to Spencer's apartment.

"Here you are." Derek taps his fingers against the wheel. Spencer makes no move to get out of the car.

Derek kicks himself for letting the silence get to him. If he could just ignore this, everything could go back to normal, there doesn't need to be any awkwardness between them…

But his mouth has other plans.

"What would you do if you realized that you had…feelings for someone who would never return them?" Derek stares out the window. There's a street lamp buzzing above the car, light flickering in and out.

Spencer fiddles with the seatbelt, mouth pursed in thought.

"Well…I'd try to work up the courage to tell them…and most likely fail because it's well, me." Spencer gives a sad chuckle as he shakes his head.

"I mean, the worst thing is they say no, right? Says the hypocrite." Spencer says more to himself than anything.

"Right." Derek looks over at Spencer, who worries his fingers. He gives Spencer a small nudge. Spencer looks up, wide-eyed.

"What would you say if I told you that I..." Derek's voice wavers as nerves take over; Spencer waits patiently.

"What if it was you I had those feelings for?" Derek's voice barely makes it past his lips. Spencer shivers.

"Well…" Spencer looks down at his hands at a loss.

"What if I told you that they've been there for a while, but I was too stubborn to acknowledge them, hoping they'd go away." Derek whispers.

"Why would you want that?" Spencer can't wrap his head around the information. "Why me?"

"You've got the brains, the beauty that most people would kill for. You make me laugh like there's no tomorrow. You listen to what I have to say, you put up with all the shit I put out, you've always been there when I've need someone. You make me want to look forward, to have a future instead of being stuck in the here and now…you're…just…" Derek's heart aches. Spencer shouldn't have to ask that.

Derek pulls on the front of Spencer's shirt, loving the feel of the material gathering beneath his grip. Spencer shivers as he pulls closer to Derek, hand reaching to caress the side of Derek's face. Derek seals the space between them, lips brushing together.

Spencer's mouth is warm and softer than he thought possible as he leans into the kiss. He feels as if the floor as fallen from beneath him as they kiss; soft, gentle, like passing a breath between them.

Derek smiles against Spencer's mouth, kissing the crease of his lips.

"Why not you?" Derek murmurs. Spencer can't help but laugh.

Snowflakes light on the windshield; Spencer closes his eyes, leaning in for another kiss.

  
  



End file.
